Focus on the Murder of Simon in Lord of the Flies Essay Example for Free

Focus on the Murder of Simon in Lord of the Flies Essay Read from Towards midnight to the end of Chapter 9. Contrast this description of Simons beatification to the previous description of his murder. How is Simons role in the Novel captured by this extract? The description of Simons murder and the description of his final journey out to sea after his death are completely different to each other. In the first, the boys brutally murder Simon because they think he is the beast. In the second, Simon is beatified and martyred as his body is carried out to sea. When the boys murder Simon, Goldings use of language helps to create the sense of crowd mentality that the boys are feeling as the storm around them grows. Language such as unbearable noise, explosion, and abominable, give the impression that the storm is deafening the boys, and that the cacophony of sound is contributing to the sense of hysteria that is driving the boys to their actions. In comparison to this, the use of language in the description of Simons beatification is much softer, and gives the reader a sense of calm, in contrast to the feeling of agitation in the description of Simons murder. For example, there is a wide use of language suggesting light in the description, such as, phosphorescence, moonbeams, and brightness. This gives the reader the idea that Simon is being watched over by God, or a higher being, and therefore suggesting that God is accepting Simons body as a martyr. Goldings use of pathetic fallacy also contributes strongly to the contrast between the two descriptions. In the first description, the clouds opened and let down he rain like a waterfall, and the dark sky was shattered by a blue white scar. This description of the intensity of the storm emphasises the madness of the boys. In contrast, in the description of Simons beatification, the rain ceased and the clouds drifted away, and the air was cool, moist and clear. This calming of the storm allows Golding to prepare the reader for the sense of reverence they should feel at Simons death. The manner in which the boys are presented in the first description is also significant. Language such as struck, bit, tore and teeth and claws, portray the group of terrified boys as an animal; a beast. However, the group also believes that they are killing the beast, who is in fact, Simon. This shows the boys complete descent into savagery, as they become the very thing that they are trying to destroy. In complete contrast to this, the dead body of Simon, the beast, is described using language such as silver, marble, and pearls. This use of precious white minerals suggests Simons innocence and purity, the polar opposite of the group of boys who murdered him. This extract describing Simons beatification helps to capture Simons overall role in the novel. Throughout the novel, Simon is the only moral and spiritual boy on the island. He is first singled out by Ralph and described as vivid. On the boys fist journey into the jungle, Simon is fascinated by the beauty of the candle bud plants. When the boys are supposed to be building huts on the beach, Simon is the only one who stays to help Ralph build. All this shows Simons sensitivity and moral integrity. After his death, Simon has a Christ-like quality that singles him out from the rest of the boys. This is because of the spiritual intelligence that he shows throughout the novel. This final description of Simon also captures his role as a kind of guardian angel to Ralph earlier in the novel. When Ralph is despairing that the boys were becoming savages and would never get rescued, Simon appears to comfort him. He says, I think youll get back all right. This suggests that Simon has some kind of foresight, as he realises that Ralph will get home, but that he himself will not. This foresight also contributes to his other-worldly spirituality. Overall, Goldings use of language in the description of Simons beatification helps to suggest Simons spiritual and moral role in The Lord of the Flies.

The Life of Jesus Christ Essay -- Biography, world history, christiani

Jesus’ life was told through the writings and tales of his apostles which are found in the New Testament in the Bible. His ideas were unconventional during the Jewish religious establishment. There is little knowledge of Jesus’ life from infancy until the age of thirty and the mystery in the years before Jesus taught, between the ages of twelve and thirty years old. Jesus publicly ministered for approximately three years before he was killed by his own people (the priests) mainly because he was ruining their business. Everything was written from other observations of many people after his death, all saying they saw Jesus. Jesus’ ideas were spread by his apostles and disciples in the Mediterranean and Europe and centuries after his death, Jesus’ teachings have developed throughout the world today. Jesus was taken to Jerusalem after every custom feast and once he reached the age of twelve he was left in Jerusalem (Charles Caldwell Ryrie, 1976). The roots of the worship of Jesus Christ (‘Jesus the Messiah’) as the ‘Son of God’ were preached by these disciples. (Eermans, 1982). During the first few decades of Christianity, it was a sect within Judaism which was considered the "independent religion". Two elements of Christianity’s doctrine essential to the Jewish people, Jesus is the messiah, or anointed king, who is spoken of in Jewish prophetic writings. Second, the message of Jesus is the kingdom of God. Keeping with Jewish apocalyptic notions of the messiah, early Christians expected that the kingdom would be established by cataclysmic events (Charles Caldwell Ryrie, 1976). Jesus and his twelve apostles traveled from place to place teaching and healing. When the Sanhedrin heard of the teachings of Jesus being ... ...ss citizens in the city of Jerusalem. His main theme, the coming of the kingdom of God, obviously carried a destructive tone. The message of the coming kingdom of God opposed the way business was carried out by Roman colonists and aristocracies in Jerusalem. Many scholars propose that the Romans’ Pilate involved himself in the execution of Jesus because Romans were misled by Jews to see Jesus as a bad person. However, one can see that it was what Jesus stood for that got him crucified. The business in Jerusalem was for the Romans, and Jesus was not pleased with it, so there is no doubt that Romans did not like Jesus. And if one takes this fragment to be true that â€Å"It is better to have one man die for the people than to have the whole nation destroyed," (John 11:50) one can believe that Jews handed Jesus over to Romans so that they might be spared from destruction.

Does Ethnicity and Language to the Degree of Parent Involvement in Schools Essay

Many recent studies have indicated that parent involvement can make significant differences to outcomes at schools. Why some parents become involved more than others in their children’s education has been the subject of past studies, and ethnic minority status (especially Black and Hispanic) have been associated in the past with poor involvement compared to whites. But other studies have shown completely opposite conclusions i. e. parental involvement is higher in ethnic groups than whites. The critique: This questionnaire study of teachers and parents was a multi-dimensional investigation into the role of ethnicity in parental involvement in schooling found that Black parents perceive that they take a more active role in their children’s schooling than any other ethnic group. By contrast the teachers’ perceptions on the issue were drastically opposite – teachers reported much lower levels of alliance with Black parents than White or Hispanic parents. The fact that fewer than 4% of teachers in this study were blacks probably has been a significant factor in this regard. One of the main weaknesses of this study is a lack of verifiability – it was entirely based on questionnaires, without any involvement of students themselves. Secondly the fact that the population consisted entirely of low-performers may have introduced a source of bias in the study. There were also inadequate measures of ruling out the effect of other confounding factors e. g. education level, incomes of households which made it difficult to compare ethnicity properly. Finally, some ethnic groups returned more questionnaire than others, making it difficult to conduct a like for like study. Conclusion : More studies are needed, carried out in a more rigorous method, before the true effect of ethnicity on parental involvement with schools can be established.

Essay On Air Pollution - 1500 Words

Introduction: Pollution is when a harmful or poisonous gas is emitted in the presence of air that can be very harmful to the environment even for humans, especially when we don’t do anything . We might think that pollution is not really a problem in the world but it is one major problem and some countries are suffering from it now. There are many ways that we can stop pollution about but we just don’t really take matter of it, if people will just observe how pollution is affecting the environment they might do something about it. There are many types of Pollutions there are, Water, Land, Air , etc but Air pollution is the main topic in this paper. These days, there are many countries that are suffering from Air Pollution, there’s†¦show more content†¦(A Review of Air Pollution Control in Beijing: 1998-2013.) The air pollution in Beijing causes their neighboring countries experience smog covering some part of their country. Also there is a new problem of their pollut ion problem which is the urbanization which people demands different new manufacture to be develop. Lots of different cars are being developed that are now record for 17 millions new cars on the road in the year of 2014. The rapid urbanization growth increases lot of demands and new industries. Chemical Reaction: The main causes to build pollution are Carbon Monoxide, Nitrogen Dioxide, Sulfur Dioxide, Particulates and Ammonia. In Beijing the chemical reaction they have is Sulfur Dioxide, Ozone, and Carbon Monoxide. One of the chemical reaction of the air pollution in Beijing, is Sulfur Dioxide and this is one the reason because of their coal industry. Sulfur dioxide can cause people to have a hard time breathing if you inhaled too much. Second one is Ozone is a colourless gas that creates smog, this chemical can make experience some respiratory problem. The other one is Carbon Monoxide and this one is caused by vehicles. It is also an odorless and colorless gas but this gas is very dangerous for human. It can cause your nervous system and heart oxygen to workShow MoreRelatedAir Pollution Essay1359 Words   |  6 Pagespremature deaths caused each year due to air pollution in cities across the world† (Air Pollution). Every day the average person inhales about 20,000 liters of contaminated air, Such as carbon dioxide and smog (Brimblecombe). These pollutants are released throughout the world’s atmosphere in concentrations that are high enough to cause health problems, which leads to one of the main problems today, and that would be air pollution (Socha). The main cause of air pollution is all of the toxic chemicals thatRead MoreAir Pollution Essay1322 Words   |  6 PagesAll living things use air and it must be clean to maintain life on earth. When air pollution becomes the subject, what do you think about? Smog, acid rain, and other forms of outdoor pollution are the common things people think about. Air pollution can also exist indoors as in closed ventilated areas that we surround. This makes the air that we breathe indoors inescapable and the pollution exist both indoor and outdoor. For example, hair spray usage indoor is polluting the air inside because of theRead MoreEssay On Air Pollution1571 Words   |  7 PagesLong, wrote an opinion piece published in The New York Times called, Where Theres Smoke, Theres Pollution, addressing the effects of vessels on the environment. He is arguing against the way The Environmental Protection Agency and other environmental health organizations are handling the increase of shipping pollution and the public’s health and safety. People assume the main cause of air pollution are automobiles or manufactures, however, international trade by cargo ships has expanded more thanRead MoreEssay On Air Pollution970 Words   |  4 Pagesburning of fossil fuels is causing several health and environmental issues. The first issue is air pollution. As many of you already know, burning fossil fuels emits several air pollutants such as sulfur dioxide, nitrogen oxide, carbon monoxide and the most common pollutant, carbon dioxide. These harmful gases are toxic to both the environment and public health. Another issue associated with air pollution is acid rain. Acid rain is formed when sulfur dioxide and nitrogen oxides mix with water, oxygenRead MoreEssay On Air Pollution1677 Words   |  7 Pages Global Article Analysis 3: Air Pollution There are multiple environmental issues that exist and are constantly harming the planet. Many of these issues have effects that are unique to certain countries, or even effects that are similar to other countries. Overall, these issues can be similar or dissimilar in multiple aspects, such as the biological, physical, and cultural perspectives. The causes and effects, problem severity, citizen perceptions, and proposed solutions and efforts to repair theseRead MoreAir Pollution Essay1203 Words   |  5 PagesAir pollution can be described as any contaminate of the atmosphere that disturbs the natural composition and chemistry of the air. This can be in the form of particulate matter such as dust, or excessive gases like carbon dioxide or other vapors. These pollutants can occur naturally, or are the product of human activities. The air that we breathe is filled with substances that are hazardous to our health. Some contaminates can be noticed because of an odor, where some cannot because they are odorlessRead MoreAir Pollution Essay958 Words   |  4 Pagesthink of air pollution, they most immediately picture heavy smog drifting over cities and industrial plants. This is the first and most evident form of air pollution. To better understand the subject, we need to define the term air pollution. Air pollution is the presence in or introduction into the air of a substance which has harmful or poisonous effects. These substances linger and cause many adverse problems. Humans and other living creations rely on the atmosphere for reparation. When air qualityRead MoreAir Pollution essay910 Words   |  4 PagesAir pollution has become a major problem in the United States. The agricultural industry must help maintain air quality. By doing that the United States has started trying to make machines that will help reduce the pollution in the air which will help the environment. One way the United States has tried stopping air pollution and that is to create a solar powered machine which decreases air pollution. But also there are some ways that the people of the United States can help stop air pollution. Read MoreEssay On Air Pollution847 Words   |  4 PagesIntroduction From my studying in this unit, I understand that air pollution transpires in various patterns, however, it can generally be thought of as gaseous and particulate contaminants that are existing in the earth’s atmosphere. Chemicals discharged into the air that has a direct impact on the environment are called primary pollutants. These primary pollutants sometimes react with other chemicals in the air to produce secondary pollutants. Air pollution has become a very high-priced environmental predicamentRead MoreAir Pollution Essay1239 Words   |  5 PagesAir Pollution in the US From North to South, East to West, New York to Ohio, the issue of air pollution and climate change has been under discussion in the last sixty years and how it has changed the climate terrain in the United States. Air pollution can be dated to October 1948, the Donora Pa for that razed almost half of the town where 14000 residents were rendered homeless and started to experience severe respiratory and cardiovascular problems. During this time, breathing became a major issue

How To Be A Good Entrepreneur - 1021 Words

Question 1 What are the steps to be a good entrepreneur? Write your suggestion and recommendation based on your observation and experience in Malaysia. 1.0 Introduction An entrepreneur is a person who organizes and manages a business undertaking, assuming the risk for the sake of profit. According to Martin (2010) an entrepreneur sees an opportunity which others do not fully recognize, to meet an unsatisfied demand or to radically improve the performance of an existing business. To have self-belief that this opportunity can be made real through hard work, commitment and the adaptability to learn the lessons of the market along the way. For example, When an almost bankrupt security company was offered to her, Datuk Maznah Hamid and her†¦show more content†¦If entrepreneur need business loan, so business planning need to be poured above paper to ease approval business loan. Usually were those planning is two times more successful than that there is no. 3. Character that is positive Nice personality like understand, easy going and so on very helpful in someone success. If feel become as it is when hot tempered foot, not for bearing and so on can make become successful entrepreneur, think again. According to Park and Peterson (2006) signature strengths are positive traits that a person owns, celebrates, and frequently exercises. The list above is more than a simple demographic. We mapped these strengths on to the character strengths tradeoff diagram that Dr. Peterson included in A Primer of Positive Psychology, Remember the caption from this diagram, The farther apart are two strengths, the less likely it is that the same person habitually shows both. The top 5 character strengths for entrepreneurs are evenly divided between the heart and the mind sides of this diagram. Interestingly, they are skewed towards a focus on others, as opposed to a focus on self. Figure 3.1 a Primer of Positive Psychology 4. Mentor This already a few my time state in several articles previously. Those who get mentor help or like this since before trade usually 3 fold will start business compared them that just wishful thinking on bed without try to find a mentor. Study alsoShow MoreRelatedAn Entrepreneur s Roadmap By Joseph Picken1079 Words   |  5 PagesEntrepreneur’s Roadmap† Joseph C. Picken (2017) In the journal, â€Å"From Founder to CEO: An Entrepreneur’s Roadmap,† by Joseph Picken, he outlines entrepreneur characteristics, specific obstacle’s most experiences and mainly how he got to where he is. Out of eight specific hurdles, the first one is setting direction and maintaining focus. The first step entrepreneurs have to undertake is launching their startup. However, before doing that they need to have a clear understanding of their goal and establishRead MoreEntrepreneurship Is Not Only A Word Entrepreneur1349 Words   |  6 Pagesthirteenth-century, entreprendre, a French verb originated to mean â€Å"to do something† or â€Å"to undertake.† By the sixteenth century the word, entrepreneur formed. The word entrepreneur refers to someone who undertakes a business venture. An entrepreneur is someone that takes risks in developing, managing and organizing a business or enterprise. Every entrepreneur weighs the risks involved against the pote ntial profit to be gained. When they think the gain outweighs the risk they take every opportunityRead MoreThe Importance Of Entrepreneurship746 Words   |  3 Pagestherefore, entrepreneurs help satisfy these desires. Entrepreneurship involves the creation of new enterprise along with manufacturing and marketing the new products (Paul Di-Masi). Entrepreneurs are not just interested in money, being an entrepreneur is about creating something original and new.something that someone else did not do before. To be a successful entrepreneur, one needs a rigorous education and persuasive people skills. The flexible and unrestricted life style gives entrepreneurs a substantialRead MoreWhat Are the Qualities of a Good Entrepreneur?1744 Words   |  7 PagesWhat are the qualities of a good entrepreneur? It is known that, in the context of the creation for profit-enterprises, entrepreneur is often synonymous with founders. An entrepreneur will face many obstacles, challenges and difficulties in business operation. To be successful, a good entrepreneur will need have some extraordinary abilities. So what is an entrepreneur? The entrepreneur, with his dream and will to found a private kingdom, to conquer adversity, to achieve success for its own sakeRead MoreBeing an Entrepeneur1043 Words   |  4 Pagesgreat entrepreneur who wanted to make his business successful. An entrepreneur needs a variety of skills but does not need to have a formal education. Being an entrepreneur is challenging even if an individual is well educated on the field or has no education at all. There is always the risk conducting business because of the competition with other companies. However, what does an entrepreneur do? Do you have what it takes to be on top the business world and compete ? An entrepr eneur must haveRead More21200 Words   |  5 Pagesentrepreneurial activity, which consists of businesses that are just being started and businesses that have been in existence for less than three and one-half years. While the high rates of entrepreneurial start-up activities occur in low-income countries, where good jobs are not plentiful such as brazil, china, Argentina. Low rates occur in high-income countries, such as Germany, French, USA.   also identifies whether its respondents are starting a new business to take advantage of an attractive opportunity orRead MoreEntrepreneur Characteristics1725 Words   |  7 PagesAre You Cut Out to Be a Successful Entrepreneur? ABSTRACT First, there was an interview with a successful entrepreneur. Second, there was a talk on entrepreneurship by a guest speaker, Mr. Azmi Ahmad (the CEO of Skali.com) and later, an elevator speech by fellow students on various issues related to entrepreneurship. This collective information and some reading on entrepreneurship journals, books and articles have brought to the idea on writing this paper, towards certain perspective, on successfulRead MoreEntrepreneurial Behavior and Perspective1553 Words   |  7 PagesCantillon defines the entrepreneur as responsible for all exchange and circulation in the economy. He explains that the entrepreneur earns an uncertain profit from the difference between a known buying price and an uncertain selling price, and that the entrepreneur equilibrates supply and demand in the economy, bearing risk and uncertainty. Jean-Baptiste Say defines the entrepreneur as the main agent of production in the economy and should have a principal quality of havin g good judgment assessing theRead More7 Things Confident Entrepreneurs Never Do1190 Words   |  5 PagesSujan Patel, a self-proclaimed entrepreneur and marketer and VP of Marketing at When I Work, wrote an article for Entrepreneur.com titled â€Å"7 Things Confident Entrepreneurs Never Do.† While this article is not an exhaustive list of mistakes entrepreneurs can make, it gets the main point across—entrepreneurs need to be confident because self-confidence is key in the decision-making process (Schermerhorn). Patel says they need to be tenacious and determined and have faith in order to be successful,Read MoreCustomer Segment : Funder ( Impact Investor1588 Words   |  7 Pagesimpacts to the world via social companies. The reason about why impact investors do not invest in the normal profitable companies instead of social companies is because impact investors also aim for impacts to the world that they can give. It should be a good thing for the investor to be able to get a lot of profits, but also give positive impacts to the world or they can solve problems suffered by people and get a lot of money from that. The point is, they want to earn money by helping people. The Philanthropists

Critically Discuss the Contribution of the Work of...

Critically discuss the contribution of the work of Frederick W. Taylor to management thought and practice. Pay particular attention to how his ideas were shaped by the cultural context of his time, and to the competing interpretations of his legacy. Frederick W. Taylor has played a major role in the evolution of management thought and practice through the critical period of the turn of the century in industrialized America. So significant was his contribution to the systemization of management thought and practice that Geoffrey Colvin and fellow historians describeTaylor as â€Å" the most influential business guru of the twentieth century†(WrenBedian,2011:154). Taylor’s fundamental concepts steamed from his determination to create a more†¦show more content†¦Taylor’s ideas on efficient task management systems were very much aligned to address the challenges of the cultural diversity of the time. Taylor’s second major contribution to management thought and practice was in the area of scientific management. Scientific management also known as Taylorism, was a theory based on four principles: â€Å"a science of each element of work, scientific selection and training of workers, division of labor between workers and management and co-operation between managers and workers†(Grey, 2011: 37). Taylorism went beyond simple time studies and standardized procedures, he brought new management techniques, giving people greater control of human and physical resources as this time demanded. As technology advanced and the scale and scope of production increased, so did the fear of a disorganized and undisciplined workforce. Scientific management provided methods to bring about the organization and disipline that was required. (Bendix, 1974:25-27) With increased scale and complexity the workplace was much more dangerous, accidents were commonplace. Taylor’s scientific approach in bringing standards and demanding consistent application of process provided for a much safer work environment. Taylor hoped, perhaps over optimistically, that scientific management would lead to a more harmonized work place founded onShow MoreRelatedCritically Discuss the Contribution of the Work of Frederick W. Taylor to Management Thought and Practice. Pay Particular Attention to How His Ideas Were Shaped by the Cultural Context of His Time, and to the Competing Interpretations of His Legacy.2445 Words   |  10 Pagesof opinions on management thought in his book â€Å"A Very Short Fairly Interesting and Reasonably Cheap Book about Studying Organisations† (2009). He outlines his opinions through a number of themes within the book such as looking at bureaucracy and scientific management together, his views on human relations theory (HRT) and its links with people management, the theme of organization culture and post-bureaucracy and how it is effecting change management. The final theme I will discuss in my essay isRead MoreApproaches to Organisation and Management19498 Words   |  78 PagesAPPROACHES  TO  ORGANISATION  AND MANAGEMENT Organisational  behaviour  is  a  discursive  subject  and  much has  been  written  about  it.  The  study  of  organisations  and management  has  therefore  to  proceed  on  a  broad  front.  It  is the  comparative  study  of  the  different  approaches  that  will  yield benefits  to  the  manager.  The  study  of  organisations,  their  structure and  management  is  important  for  the  manager.  Identification  of major  trends  in  management  and  organisational  behaviour,  and the  work  of  leading  writersRead MoreStephen P. Robbins Timothy A. Judge (2011) Organizational Behaviour 15th Edition New Jersey: Prentice Hall393164 Words   |  1573 PagesCover Designer: Wanda Espana OB Poll Graphics: Electra Graphics Cover Art: honey comb and a bee working / Shutterstock / LilKar Sr. Media Project Manager, Editorial: Denise Vaughn Media Project Manager, Production: Lisa Rinaldi Full-Service Project Management: Christian Holdener, S4Carlisle Publishing Services Composition: S4Carlisle Publishing Services Printer/Binder: Courier/Kendallville Cover Printer: Courier/Kendalville Text Font: 10.5/12 ITC New Baskerville Std Credits and acknowledgments borrowedRead MoreManagement Course: Mba−10 General Management215330 Words   |  862 PagesManagement Course: MBA−10 General Management California College for Health Sciences MBA Program McGraw-Hill/Irwin abc McGraw−Hill Primis ISBN: 0−390−58539−4 Text: Effective Behavior in Organizations, Seventh Edition Cohen Harvard Business Review Finance Articles The Power of Management Capital Feigenbaum−Feigenbaum International Management, Sixth Edition Hodgetts−Luthans−Doh Contemporary Management, Fourth Edition Jones−George Driving Shareholder Value Morin−Jarrell LeadershipRead MoreOne Significant Change That Has Occurred in the World Between 1900 and 2005. 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Van Gosse and Richard Moser, eds., The World the Sixties Made: Politics and Culture in Recent America Joanne Meyerowitz, ed., History and September 11th John McMillian and Paul Buhle, eds., The New LeftRead MoreFundamentals of Hrm263904 Words   |  1056 Pagesresources With WileyPLUS: Students achieve concept mastery in a rich, structured environment that’s available 24/7 Instructors personalize and manage their course more effectively with assessment, assignments, grade tracking, and more manage time better study smarter save money From multiple study paths, to self-assessment, to a wealth of interactive visual and audio resources, WileyPLUS gives you everything you need to personalize the teaching and learning experience.  » F i n d o u tRead MoreStrategic Marketing Management337596 Words   |  1351 PagesStrategic Marketing Management Dedication This book is dedicated to the authors’ wives – Gillian and Rosie – and to Ben Gilligan for their support while it was being written. Acknowledgements Our thanks go to Janice Nunn for all the effort that she put in to the preparation of the manuscript. Strategic Marketing Management Planning, implementation and control Third edition Richard M.S. Wilson Emeritus Professor of Business Administration The Business School Loughborough University

The Twilight Saga 5 Midnight Sun 5. Invitations Free Essays

string(18) " it than she was\." High school. Purgatory no longer, it was now purely hell. Torment and fire†¦yes, I had both. We will write a custom essay sample on The Twilight Saga 5: Midnight Sun 5. Invitations or any similar topic only for you Order Now I was doing everything correctly now. Every â€Å"i† dotted, every â€Å"t† crossed. No one could complain that I was shirking my responsibilities. To please Esme and protect the others, I stayed in Forks. I returned to my old schedule. I hunted no more than the rest of them. Everyday, I attended high school and played human. Everyday, I listened carefully for anything new about the Cullens – there never was anything new. The girl did not speak one word of her suspicions. She just repeated the same story again and again – I’d been standing with her and then pulled her out of the way – till her eager listeners got bored and stopped looking for more details. There was no danger. My hasty action had hurt no one. No one but myself. I was determined to change the future. Not the easiest task to set for oneself, but there was no other choice that I could live with. Alice said that I would not be strong enough to stay away from the girl. I would prove her wrong. I’d thought the first day would be the hardest. By the end of it, I’d been sure that was the case. I’d been wrong, though. It had rankled, knowing that I would hurt the girl. I’d comforted myself with the fact that her pain would be nothing more than a pinprick – just a tiny sting of rejection – compared to mine. Bella was human, and she knew that I was something else, something wrong, something frightening. She would probably be more relieved than wounded when I turned my face away from her and pretended that she didn’t exist. â€Å"Hello, Edward,† she’d greeted me, that first day back in biology. Her voice had been pleasant, friendly, one hundred and eighty degrees from the last time I’d spoken with her. Why? What did the change mean? Had she forgotten? Decided she had imagined the whole episode? Could she possibly have forgiven me for not following through on my promise? The questions had burned like the thirst that attacked me every time I breathed. Just one moment to look in her eyes. Just to see if I could read the answers there†¦ No. I could not allow myself even that. Not if I was going to change the future. I’d moved my chin an inch in her direction without looking away from the front of the room. I’d nodded once, and then turned my face straight forward. She did not speak to me again. That afternoon, as soon as school was finished, my role played, I ran to Seattle as I had the day before. It seemed that I could handle the aching just slightly better when I was flying over the ground, turning everything around me into a green blur. This run became my daily habit. Did I love her? I did not think so. Not yet. Alice’s glimpses of that future had stuck with me, though, and I could see how easy it would be to fall into loving Bella. It would be exactly like falling: effortless. Not letting myself love her was the opposite of falling – it was pulling myself up a cliff-face, hand over hand, the task as grueling as if I had no more than mortal strength. More than a month passed, and every day it got harder. That made no sense to me – I kept waiting to get over it, to have it get easier. This must be what Alice had meant when she’d predicted that I would not be able to stay away from the girl. She had seen the escalation of the pain. But I could handle pain. I would not destroy Bella’s future. If I was destined to love her, then wasn’t avoiding her the very least I could do? Avoiding her was about the limit of what I could bear, though. I could pretend to ignore her, and never look her way. I could pretend that she was of no interest to me. But that was the extent, just pretense and not reality. I still hung on every breath she took, every word she said. I lumped my torments into four categories. The first two were familiar. Her scent and her silence. Or, rather – to take the responsibility on myself where it belonged – my thirst and my curiosity. The thirst was the most primal of my torments. It was my habit now to simply not breathe at all in Biology. Of course, there were always the exceptions – when I had to answer a question or something of the sort, and I would need my breath to speak. Each time I tasted the air around the girl, it was the same as the first day – fire and need and brutal violence desperate to break free. It was hard to cling even slightly to reason or restraint in those moments. And, just like that first day, the monster in me would roar, so close to the surface†¦ The curiosity was the most constant of my torments. The question was never out of my mind: What is she thinking now? When I heard her quietly sigh. When she twisted a lock of hair absently around her finger. When she threw her books down with more force than usual. When she rushed to class late. When she tapped her foot impatiently against the floor. Each movement caught in my peripheral vision was a maddening mystery. When she spoke to the other human students, I analyzed her every word and tone. Was she speaking her thoughts, or what she thought she should say? It often sounded to me like she was trying to say what her audience expected, and this reminded me of my family and our daily life of illusion – we were better at it than she was. You read "The Twilight Saga 5: Midnight Sun 5. Invitations" in category "Essay examples" Unless I wrong about that, just imagining things. Why would she have to play a role? She was one of them – a human teenager. Mike Newton was the most surprising of my torments. Who would have ever dreamed that such a generic, boring mortal could be so infuriating? To be fair, I should have felt some gratitude to the annoying boy; more than the others, he kept the girl talking. I learned so much about her through these conversations – I was still compiling my list – but, contrarily, Mike’s assistance with this project only aggravated me more. I didn’t want Mike to be the one that unlocked her secrets. I wanted to do that. It helped that he never noticed her small revelations, her little slips. He knew nothing about her. He’d created a Bella in his head that didn’t exist – a girl just as generic as he was. He hadn’t observed the unselfishness and bravery that set her apart from other humans, he didn’t hear the abnormal maturity of her spoken thoughts. He didn’t perceive that when she spoke of her mother, she sounded like a parent speaking of a child rather than the other way around – loving, indulgent, slightly amused, and fiercely protective. He didn’t hear the patience in her voice when she feigned interest in his rambling stories, and didn’t guess at the kindness behind that patience. Through her conversations with Mike, I was able to add the most important quality to my list, the most revealing of them all, as simple as it was rare. Bella was good. All the other things added up to that whole – kind and self-effacing and unselfish and loving and brave – she was good through and through. These helpful discoveries did not warm me to the boy, however. The possessive way he viewed Bella – as if she were an acquisition to be made – provoked me almost as much as his crude fantasies about her. He was becoming more confident of her, too, as the time passed, for she seemed to prefer him over those he considered his rivals – Tyler Crowley, Eric Yorkie, and even, sporadically, myself. He would routinely sit on her side of our table before class began, chattering at her, encouraged by her smiles. Just polite smiles, I told myself. All the same, I frequently amused myself by imagining backhanding him across the room and into the far wall†¦ It probably wouldn’t injure him fatally†¦ Mike didn’t often think of me as a rival. After the accident, he’d worried that Bella and I would bond from the shared experience, but obviously the opposite had resulted. Back then, he had still been bothered that I’d singled Bella out over her peers for attention. But now I ignored her just as thoroughly as the others, and he grew complacent. What was she thinking now? Did she welcome his attention? And, finally, the last of my torments, the most painful: Bella’s indifference. As I ignored her, she ignored me. She never tried to speak to me again. For all I knew, she never thought about me at all. This might have driven me mad – or even broken my resolution to change the future – except that she sometimes stared at me like she had before. I didn’t see it for myself, as I could not allow myself to look at her, but Alice always warned us when she was about to stare; the others were still wary of the girl’s problematic knowledge. It eased some of the pain that she gazed at me from across a distance, every now and then. Of course, she could just be wondering what kind of a freak I was. â€Å"Bella’s going to stare at Edward in a minute. Look normal,† Alice said one Tuesday in March, and the others were careful to fidget and shift their weight like humans; absolute stillness was a marker of our kind. I paid attention to how often she looked my direction. It pleased me, though it should not, that the frequency did not decline as the time passed. I didn’t know what it meant, but it made me feel better. Alice sighed. I wish†¦ â€Å"Stay out of it, Alice,† I said under my breath. â€Å"It’s not going to happen.† She pouted. Alice was anxious to form her envisioned friendship with Bella. In a strange way, she missed the girl she didn’t know. I’ll admit, you’re better than I thought. You’ve got the future all snarled up and senseless again. I hope you’re happy. â€Å"It makes plenty of sense to me.† She snorted delicately. I tried to shut her out, too impatient for conversation. I wasn’t in a very good mood – tenser than I let any of them see. Only Jasper was aware of how tightly wound I was, feeling the stress emanate out of me with his unique ability to both sense and influence the moods of others. He didn’t understand the reasons behind the moods, though, and – since I was constantly in a foul mood these days – he disregarded it. Today would be a hard one. Harder than the day before, as was the pattern. Mike Newton, the odious boy whom I could not allow myself to rival, was going to ask Bella on a date. A girl’s choice dance was on the near horizon, and he’d been hoping very much that Bella would ask him. That she had not done so had rattled his confidence. Now he was in an uncomfortable bind – I enjoyed his discomfort more than I should – because Jessica Stanley had just asked him to the dance. He didn’t want to say â€Å"yes,† still hopeful that Bella would choose him (and prove him the victor over his rivals), but he didn’t want to say â€Å"no† and end up missing the dance altogether. Jessica, hurt by his hesitation and guessing the reason behind it, was thinking daggers at Bella. Again, I had the instinct to place myself between Jessica’s angry thoughts and Bella. I understood the instinct better now, but that only made it more frustrating when I could not act on it. To think it had come to this! I was utterly fixated on the petty high school dramas that I’d once held so in contempt. Mike was working up his nerve as he walked Bella to biology. I listened to his struggles as I waited for them to arrive. The boy was weak. He had waited for this dance purposely, afraid to make his infatuation known before she had shown a marked preference for him. He didn’t want to make himself vulnerable to rejection, preferring that she make that leap first. Coward. He sat down on our table again, comfortable with long familiarity, and I imagined the sound it would make if his body hit the opposite wall with enough force to break most of his bones. â€Å"So,† he said to the girl, his eyes on the floor. â€Å"Jessica asked me to the spring dance.† â€Å"That’s great,† Bella answered immediately and with enthusiasm. It was hard not to smile as her tone sunk in to Mike’s awareness. He’d been hoping for dismay. â€Å"You’ll have a lot of fun with Jessica.† He scrambled for the right response. â€Å"Well†¦Ã¢â‚¬  he hesitated, and almost chickened out. Then he rallied. â€Å"I told her I had to think about it.† â€Å"Why would you do that?† she demanded. Her tone was one of disapproval, but there was the faintest hint of relief there as well. What did that mean? An unexpected, intense fury made my hands clench into fists. Mike did not hear the relief. His face was red with blood – fierce as I suddenly felt, this seemed like an invitation – and he looked at the floor again as he spoke. â€Å"I was wondering if†¦well, if you might be planning to ask me.† Bella hesitated. In that moment of her hesitation, I saw the future more clearly than Alice ever had. The girl might say yes to Mike’s unspoken question now, and she might not, but either way, someday soon, she would say yes to someone. She was lovely and intriguing, and human males were not oblivious to this fact. Whether she would settle for someone in this lackluster crowd, or wait until she was free from Forks, the day would come that she would say yes. I saw her life as I had before – college, career†¦love, marriage. I saw her on her father’s arm again, dressed in gauzy white, her face flushed with happiness as she moved to the sound of Wagner’s march. The pain was more than anything I’d felt before. A human would have to be on the point of death to feel this pain – a human would not live through it. And not just pain, but outright rage. The fury ached for some kind of physical outlet. Though this insignificant, undeserving boy might not be the one that Bella would say yes to, I yearned to crush his skull in my hand, to let him stand as a representative for whoever it would be. I didn’t understand this emotion – it was such a tangle of pain and rage and desire and despair. I had never felt it before; I couldn’t put a name to it. â€Å"Mike, I think you should tell her yes,† Bella said in a gentle voice. Mike’s hopes plummeted. I would have enjoyed that under other circumstances, but I was lost in the aftershock of the pain – and the remorse for what the pain and rage had done to me. Alice was right. I was not strong enough. Right now, Alice would be watching the future spin and twist, become mangled again. Would this please her? â€Å"Did you already ask someone?† Mike asked sullenly. He glanced at me, suspicious for the first time in many weeks. I realized I had betrayed my interest; my head was inclined in Bella’s direction. The wild envy in his thoughts – envy for whoever this girl preferred to him – suddenly put a name to my unnamed emotion. I was jealous. â€Å"No,† the girl said with a trace of humor in her voice. â€Å"I’m not going to the dance at all.† Through all the remorse and anger, I felt relief at her words. Suddenly, I was considering my rivals. â€Å"Why not?† Mike asked, his tone almost rude. It offended me that he used this tone with her. I bit back a growl. â€Å"I’m going to Seattle that Saturday,† she answered. The curiosity was not as vicious as it would have been before – now that I was fully intending to find out the answers to everything. I would know the wheres and whys of this new revelation soon enough. Mike’s tone turned unpleasantly wheedling. â€Å"Can’t you go some other weekend?† â€Å"Sorry, no.† Bella was brusquer now. â€Å"So you shouldn’t make Jess wait any longer – it’s rude.† Her concern for Jessica’s feelings fanned the flames of my jealousy. This Seattle trip was clearly an excuse to say no – did she refuse purely out of loyalty to her friend? She was more than selfless enough for that. Did she actually wish she could say yes? Or were both guesses wrong? Was she interested in someone else? â€Å"Yeah, you’re right,† Mike mumbled, so demoralized that I almost felt pity for him. Almost. He dropped his eyes from the girl, cutting off my view of her face in his thoughts. I wasn’t going to tolerate that. I turned to read her face myself, for the first time in more than a month. It was a sharp relief to allow myself this, like a gasp of air to long-submerged human lungs. Her eyes were closed, and her hands pressed against the sides of her face. Her shoulders curved inward defensively. She shook her head ever so slightly, as if she were trying to push some thought from her mind. Frustrating. Fascinating. Mr. Banner’s voice pulled her from her reverie, and her eyes slowly opened. She looked at me immediately, perhaps sensing my gaze. She stared up into my eyes with the same bewildered expression that had haunted me for so long. I didn’t feel the remorse or the guilt or the rage in that second. I knew they would come again, and come soon, but for this one moment I rode a strange, jittery high. As if I had triumphed, rather than lost. She didn’t look away, though I stared with inappropriate intensity, trying vainly to read her thoughts through her liquid brown eyes. They were full of questions, rather than answers. I could see the reflection of my own eyes, and I saw that they were black with thirst. It had been nearly two weeks since my last hunting trip; this was not the safest day for my will to crumble. But the blackness did not seem to frighten her. She still did not look away, and a soft, devastatingly appealing pink began to color her skin. What was she thinking now? I almost asked the question aloud, but at that moment Mr. Banner called my name. I picked the correct answer out of his head while I glanced briefly in his direction. I sucked in a quick breath. â€Å"The Krebs Cycle.† Thirst scorched down my throat – tightening my muscles and filling my mouth with venom – and I closed my eyes, trying to concentrate through the desire for her blood that raged inside me. The monster was stronger than before. The monster was rejoicing. He embraced this dual future that gave him an even, fifty-fifty chance at what he craved so viciously. The third, shaky future I’d tried to construct through willpower alone had crumbled – destroyed by common jealously, of all things – and he was so much closer to his goal. The remorse and the guilt burned with the thirst, and, if I’d had the ability to produce tears, they would have filled my eyes now. What had I done? Knowing the battle was already lost, there seemed to be no reason to resist what I wanted; I turned to stare at the girl again. She had hidden in her hair, but I could see through a parting in the tresses that her cheek was deep crimson now. The monster liked that. She did not meet my gaze again, but she twisted a strand of her dark hair nervously between her fingers. Her delicate fingers, her fragile wrist – they were so breakable, looking for all the world like just my breath could snap them. No, no, no. I could not do this. She was too breakable, too good, too precious to deserve this fate. I couldn’t allow my life to collide with hers, to destroy it. But I couldn’t stay away from her either. Alice was right about that. The monster inside me hissed with frustration as I wavered, leaning first one way, then the other. My brief hour with her passed all too quickly, as I vacillated between the rock and the hard place. The bell rang, and she started collecting her things without looking at me. This disappointed me, but I could hardly expect otherwise. The way I had treated her since the accident was inexcusable. â€Å"Bella?† I said, unable to stop myself. My willpower already lay in shreds. She hesitated before looking at me; when she turned, her expression was guarded, distrustful. I reminded myself that she had every right to distrust me. That she should. She waited for me to continue, but I just stared at her, reading her face. I pulled in shallow mouthfuls of air at regular intervals, fighting my thirst. â€Å"What?† she finally said. â€Å"Are you speaking to me again?† There was an edge of resentment to her tone that was, like her anger, endearing. It made me want to smile. I wasn’t sure how to answer her question. Was I speaking to her again, in the sense that she meant? No. Not if I could help it. I would try to help it. â€Å"No, not really,† I told her. She closed her eyes, which frustrated me. It cut off my best avenue of access to her feelings. She took a long, slow breath without opening her eyes. Her jaw was locked. Eyes still closed, she spoke. Surely this was not a normal human way to converse. Why did she do it? â€Å"Then what do you want, Edward?† The sound of my name on her lips did strange things to my body. If I’d had a heartbeat, it would have quickened. But how to answer her? With the truth, I decided. I would be as truthful as I could with her from now on. I didn’t want to deserve her distrust, even if earning her trust was impossible. â€Å"I’m sorry,† I told her. That was truer than she would ever know. Unfortunately, I could only safely apologize for the trivial. â€Å"I’m being very rude, I know. But it’s better this way, really.† I would be better for her if I could keep it up, continue to be rude. Could I? Her eyes opened, their expression still wary. â€Å"I don’t know what you mean.† I tried to get as much of a warning through to her as was allowed. â€Å"It’s better if we’re not friends.† Surely, she could sense that much. She was a bright girl. â€Å"Trust me.† Her eyes tightened, and I remembered that I had said those words to her before – just before breaking a promise. I winced when her teeth clenched together – she clearly remembered, too. â€Å"It’s too bad you didn’t figure that out earlier,† she said angrily. â€Å"You could have saved yourself all this regret.† I stared at her in shock. What did she know of my regrets? â€Å"Regret? Regret for what?† I demanded. â€Å"For not just letting that stupid van squish me!† she snapped. I froze, stunned. How could she be thinking that? Saving her life was the one acceptable thing I’d done since I met her. The one thing that I was not ashamed of. The one and only thing that made me glad I existed at all. I’d been fighting to keep her alive since the first moment I’d caught her scent. How could she think this of me? How dare she question my one good deed in all this mess? â€Å"You think I regret saving your life?† â€Å"I know you do,† she retorted. Her estimation of my intentions left me seething. â€Å"You don’t know anything.† How confusing and incomprehensible the workings of her mind were! She must not think in the same way as other humans at all. That must be the explanation behind her mental silence. She was entirely other. She jerked her face away, gritting her teeth again. Her cheeks were flushed, with anger this time. She slammed her books together in a pile, yanked them up into her arms, and marched toward the door without meeting my stare. Even irritated as I was, it was impossible not to find her anger a bit entertaining. She walked stiffly, without looking where she was going, and her foot caught on the lip of the doorway. She stumbled, and her things all crashed to the ground. Instead of bending to get them, she stood rigidly straight, not even looking down, as if she were not sure the books were worth retrieving. I managed not to laugh. No one was here to watch me; I flitted to her side, and had her books put in order before she looked down. She bent halfway, saw me, and then froze. I handed her books back to her, making sure that my icy skin never touched hers. â€Å"Thank you,† she said in a cold, severe voice. Her tone brought back my irritation. â€Å"You’re welcome,† I said just as coldly. She wrenched herself upright and stomped away to her next class. I watched until I could no longer see her angry figure. Spanish passed in a blur. Mrs. Goff never questioned my abstraction – she knew my Spanish was superior to hers, and she gave me a great deal of latitude – leaving me free to think. So, I couldn’t ignore the girl. That much was obvious. But did it mean I had no choice but to destroy her? That could not be the only available future. There had to be some other choice, some delicate balance. I tried to think of a way†¦ I didn’t pay much attention to Emmett until the hour was nearly up. He was curious – Emmett was not overly intuitive about the shades in other’s moods, but he could see the obvious change in me. He wondered what had happened to remove the unrelenting glower from my face. He struggled to define the change, and finally decided that I looked hopeful. Hopeful? Is that what it looked like from the outside? I pondered the idea of hope as we walked to the Volvo, wondering what exactly I should be hoping for. But I didn’t have long to ponder. Sensitive as I always was to thoughts about the girl, the sound of Bella’s name in the heads of†¦of my rivals, I suppose I had to admit, caught my attention. Eric and Tyler, having heard – with much satisfaction – of Mike’s failure, were preparing to make their moves. Eric was already in place, positioned against her truck where she could not avoid him. Tyler’s class was being held late to receive an assignment, and he was in a desperate hurry to catch her before she escaped. This I had to see. â€Å"Wait for the others here, all right?† I murmured to Emmett. He eyed me suspiciously, but then shrugged and nodded. Kid’s lost his mind, he thought, amused by my odd request. I saw Bella on her way out of the gym, and I waited where she would not see me for her to pass. As she got closer to Eric’s ambush, I strode forward, setting my pace so that I would walk by at the right moment. I watched her body stiffen when she caught sight of the boy waiting for her. She froze for a moment, then relaxed and moved forward. â€Å"Hi, Eric,† I heard her call in a friendly voice. I was abruptly and unexpectedly anxious. What if this gangly teen with his unhealthy skin was somehow pleasing to her? Eric swallowed loudly, his Adam’s apple bobbing. â€Å"Hi, Bella.† She seemed unconscious of his nervousness. â€Å"What’s up?† she asked, unlocking her truck without looking at his frightened expression. â€Å"Uh, I was just wondering†¦if you would go to the spring dance with me?† His voice broke. She finally looked up. Was she taken aback, or pleased? Eric couldn’t meet her gaze, so I couldn’t see her face in his mind. â€Å"I thought it was girl’s choice,† she said, sounding flustered. â€Å"Well, yeah,† he agreed wretchedly. This pitiable boy did not irritate me as much as Mike Newton did, but I couldn’t find it in myself to feel sympathy for his angst until after Bella had answered him in a gentle voice. â€Å"Thank you for asking me, but I’m going to be in Seattle that day.† He’d already heard this; still, it was a disappointment. â€Å"Oh,† he mumbled, barely daring to raise his eyes to the level of her nose. â€Å"Maybe next time.† â€Å"Sure,† she agreed. Then she bit down on her lip, as if she regretted leaving him a loophole. I liked that. Eric slumped forward and walked away, headed in the wrong direction from his car, his only thought escape. I passed her in that moment, and heard her sigh of relief. I laughed. She whirled at the sound, but I stared straight ahead, trying to keep my lips from twitching in amusement. Tyler was behind me, almost running in his hurry to catch her before she could drive away. He was bolder and more confident than the other two; he’d only waited to approach Bella this long because he’d respected Mike’s prior claim. I wanted him to succeed in catching her for two reasons. If – as I was beginning to suspect – all this attention was annoying to Bella, I wanted to enjoy watching her reaction. But, if it was not – if Tyler’s invitation was the one she’d been hoping for – then I wanted to know that, too. I measured Tyler Crowley as a rival, knowing it was wrong to do so. He seemed tediously average and unremarkable to me, but what did I know of Bella’s preferences? Maybe she liked average boys†¦ I winced at that thought. I could never be an average boy. How foolish it was to set myself up as a rival for her affections. How could she ever care for someone who was, by any estimation, a monster? She was too good for a monster. I ought to have let her escape, but my inexcusable curiosity kept me from doing what was right. Again. But what if Tyler missed his chance now, only to contact her later when I would have no way of knowing the outcome? I pulled my Volvo out into the narrow lane, blocking her exit. Emmett and the others were on their way, but he’d described my strange behavior to them, and they were walking slowly, watching me, trying to decipher what I was doing. I watched the girl in my rearview mirror. She glowered toward the back of my car without meeting my gaze, looking as if she wished she were driving a tank rather than a rusted Chevy. Tyler hurried to his car and got in line behind her, grateful for my inexplicable behavior. He waved at her, trying to catch her attention, but she didn’t notice. He waited a moment, and then left his car, sauntering up to her passenger side window. He tapped on the glass. She jumped, and then stared at him in confusion. After a second, she rolled the window down manually, seeming to have some trouble with it. â€Å"I’m sorry, Tyler,† she said, her voice irritated. â€Å"I’m stuck behind Cullen.† She said my surname in a hard voice – she was still angry with me. â€Å"Oh, I know,† Tyler said, undeterred by her mood. â€Å"I just wanted to ask you something while we’re trapped here.† His grin was cocky. I was gratified by the way she blanched at his obvious intent. â€Å"Will you ask me to the spring dance?† he asked, no thought of defeat in his head. â€Å"I’m not going to be in town, Tyler,† she told him, irritation still plain in her voice. â€Å"Yeah, Mike said that.† â€Å"Then why – ?† she stared to ask. He shrugged. â€Å"I was hoping you were just letting him down easy.† Her eyes flashed, then cooled. â€Å"Sorry, Tyler,† she said, not sounding sorry at all. â€Å"I really am going to be out of town.† He accepted that excuse, his self-assurance untouched. â€Å"That’s cool. We still have prom.† He strutted back to his car. I was right to have waited for this. The horrified expression on her face was priceless. It told me what I should not so desperately need to know – that she had no feelings for any of these human males who wished to court her. Also, her expression was possibly the funniest thing I’d ever seen. My family arrived then, confused by the fact that I was, for a change, rocking with laughter rather than scowling murderously at everything in sight. What’s so funny? Emmett wanted to know. I just shook my head while I also shook with fresh laughter as Bella revved her noisy engine angrily. She looked like she was wishing for a tank again. â€Å"Let’s go!† Rosalie hissed impatiently. â€Å"Stop being an idiot. If you can.† Her words didn’t annoy me – I was too entertained. But I did as she asked. No one spoke to me on the way home. I continued to chuckle every now and again, thinking of Bella’s face. As I turned on to the drive – speeding up now that there were no witnesses – Alice ruined my mood. â€Å"So do I get to talk to Bella now?† she asked suddenly, without considering the words first, thus giving me no warning. â€Å"No,† I snapped. â€Å"Not fair! What am I waiting for?† â€Å"I haven’t decided anything, Alice.† â€Å"Whatever, Edward.† In her head, Bella’s two destinies were clear again. â€Å"What’s the point in getting to know her?† I mumbled, suddenly morose. â€Å"If I’m just going to kill her?† Alice hesitated for a second. â€Å"You have a point,† she admitted. I took the final hairpin turn at ninety miles an hour, and then screeched to a stop an inch from the back garage wall. â€Å"Enjoy your run,† Rosalie said smugly as I threw myself out of the car. But I didn’t go running today. Instead, I went hunting. The others were scheduled to hunt tomorrow, but I couldn’t afford to be thirsty now. I overdid it, drinking more than necessary, glutting myself again – a small grouping of elk and one black bear I was lucky to stumble across this early in the year. I was so full it was uncomfortable. Why couldn’t that be enough? Why did her scent have to be so much stronger than anything else? I had hunted in preparation for the next day, but, when I could hunt no more and the sun was still hours and hours from rising, I knew that the next day was not soon enough. The jittery high swept through me again when I realized that I was going to go find the girl. I argued with myself all the way back to Forks, but my less noble side won the argument, and I went ahead with my indefensible plan. The monster was restless but well-fettered. I knew I would keep a safe distance from her. I only wanted to know where she was. I just wanted to see her face. It was past midnight, and Bella’s house was dark and quiet. Her truck was parked against the curb, her father’s police cruiser in the driveway. There were no conscious thoughts anywhere in the neighborhood. I watched the house for a moment from the blackness of the forest that bordered it on the east. The front door would probably be locked – not a problem, except that I didn’t want to leave a broken door as evidence behind me. I decided to try the upstairs window first. Not many people would bother installing a lock there. I crossed the open yard and scaled the face of the house in half a second. Dangling from the eave above the window by one hand, I looked through the glass, and my breath stopped. It was her room. I could see her in the one small bed, her covers on the floor and her sheets twisted around her legs. As I watched, she twitched restlessly and threw one arm over her head. She did not sleep soundly, at least not this night. Did she sense the danger near her? I was repulsed by myself as I watched her toss again. How was I any better than some sick peeping tom? I wasn’t any better. I was much, much worse. I relaxed my fingertips, about to let myself drop. But first I allowed myself one long look at her face. It was not peaceful. The little furrow was there between her eyebrows, the corners of her lips turned down. Her lips trembled, and then parted. â€Å"Okay, Mom,† she muttered. Bella talked in her sleep. Curiosity flared, overpowering self-disgust. The lure of those unprotected, unconsciously spoken thoughts was impossibly tempting. I tried the window, and it was not locked, though it stuck due to long disuse. I slid it slowly aside, cringing at each faint groan of the metal frame. I would have to find some oil for next time†¦ Next time? I shook my head, disgusted again. I eased myself silently through the half-opened window. Her room was small – disorganized but not unclean. There were books piled on the floor beside her bed, their spines facing away from me, and CDs scattered by her inexpensive CD player – the one on top was just a clear jewel case. Stacks of papers surrounded a computer that looked like it belonged in a museum dedicated to obsolete technologies. Shoes dotted the wooden floor. I wanted very much to go read the titles of her books and CDs, but I’d promised myself that I would keep my distance; instead, I went to sit the old rocking chair in the far corner of the room. Had I really once thought her average-looking? I thought of that first day, and my disgust for the boys who were so immediately intrigued with her. But when I remembered her face in their minds now, I could not understand why I had not found her beautiful immediately. It seemed an obvious thing. Right now – with her dark hair tangled and wild around her pale face, wearing a threadbare t-shirt full of holes with tatty sweatpants, her features relaxed in unconsciousness, her full lips slightly parted – she took my breath away. Or would have, I thought wryly, if I were breathing. She did not speak. Perhaps her dream had ended. I stared at her face and tried to think of some way to make the future bearable. Hurting her was not bearable. Did that mean my only choice was to try to leave again? The others could not argue with me now. My absence would not put anyone in danger. There would be no suspicion, nothing to link anyone’s thoughts back to the accident. I wavered as I had this afternoon, and nothing seemed possible. I could not hope to rival the human boys, whether these specific boys appealed to her or not. I was a monster. How could she see me as anything else? If she knew the truth about me, it would frighten and repulse her. Like the intended victim in a horror movie, she would run away, shrieking in terror. I remembered her first day in biology†¦and knew that this was exactly the right reaction for her to have. It was foolishness to imagine that if had I been the one to ask her to the silly dance, she would have cancelled her hastily-made plans and agreed to go with me. I was not the one she was destined to say yes to. It was someone else, someone human and warm. And I could not even let myself – someday, when that yes was said – hunt him down and kill him, because she deserved him, whoever he was. She deserved happiness and love with whomever she chose. I owed it to her to do the right thing now; I could no longer pretend that I was only in danger of loving this girl. After all, it really didn’t matter if I left, because Bella could never see me the way I wished she would. Never see me as someone worthy of love. Never. Could a dead, frozen heart break? It felt like mine would. â€Å"Edward,† Bella said. I froze, staring at her unopened eyes. Had she woken, caught me here? She looked asleep, yet her voice had been so clear†¦ She sighed a quiet sigh, and then moved restlessly again, rolling to her side – still fast asleep and dreaming. â€Å"Edward,† she mumbled softly. She was dreaming of me. Could a dead, frozen heart beat again? It felt like mine was about to. â€Å"Stay,† she sighed. â€Å"Don’t go. Please†¦don’t go.† She was dreaming of me, and it wasn’t even a nightmare. She wanted me to stay with her, there in her dream. I struggled to find words to name the feelings that flooded through me, but I had no words strong enough to hold them. For a long moment, I drowned in them. When I surfaced, I was not the same man I had been. My life was an unending, unchanging midnight. It must, by necessity, always be midnight for me. So how was it possible that the sun was rising now, in the middle of my midnight? At the time that I had become a vampire, trading my soul and my mortality for immortality in the searing pain of transformation, I had truly been frozen. My body had turned into something more like rock than flesh, enduring and unchanging. My self, also, had frozen as it was – my personality, my likes and my dislikes, my moods and my desires; all were fixed in place. It was the same for the rest of them. We were all frozen. Living stone. When change came for one of us, it was a rare and permanent thing. I had seen it happen with Carlisle, and then a decade later with Rosalie. Love had changed them in an eternal way, a way that never faded. More than eighty years had passed since Carlisle had found Esme, and yet he still looked at her with the incredulous eyes of first love. It would always be that way for them. It would always be that way for me, too. I would always love this fragile human girl, for the rest of my limitless existence. I gazed at her unconscious face, feeling this love for her settle into every portion of my stone body. She slept more peacefully now, a slight smile on her lips. Always watching her, I began to plot. I loved her, and so I would try to be strong enough to leave her. I knew I wasn’t that strong now. I would work on that one. But perhaps I was strong enough to circumvent the future in another way. Alice had seen only two futures for Bella, and now I understood them both. Loving her would not keep me from killing her, if I let myself make mistakes. Yet I could not feel the monster now, could not find him anywhere in me. Perhaps love had silenced him forever. If I killed her now, it would not be intentional, only a horrible accident. I would have to be inordinately careful. I would never, ever be able to let my guard down. I would have to control my every breath. I would have to keep an always cautious distance. I would not make mistakes. I finally understood that second future. I’d been baffled by that vision – what could possibly happen to result in Bella becoming a prisoner to this immortal half-life? Now – devastated by longing for the girl – I could understand how I might, in unforgivable selfishness, ask my father for that favor. Ask him to take away her life and her soul so that I could keep her forever. She deserved better. But I saw one more future, one thin wire that I might be able to walk, if I could keep my balance. Could I do it? Be with her and leave her human? Deliberately, I took a deep breath, and then another, letting her scent rip through me like wildfire. The room was thick with her perfume; her fragrance was layered on every surface. My head swam, but I fought the spinning. I would have to get used to this, if I were going to attempt any kind of relationship with her. I took another deep, burning breath. I watched her sleeping until the sun rose behind the eastern clouds, plotting and breathing. I got home just after the others had left for school. I changed quickly, avoiding Esme’s questioning eyes. She saw the feverish light in my face, and she felt both worry and relief. My long melancholy had pained her, and she was glad it seemed to be over. I ran to school, arriving a few seconds after my siblings did. They did not turn, though Alice at least must have known that I stood here in the thick woods that bordered the pavement. I waited until no one was looking, and then I strolled casually from between the trees into the lot full of parked cars. I heard Bella’s truck rumbling around the corner, and I paused behind a Suburban, where I could watch without being seen. She drove into the lot, glaring at my Volvo for a long moment before she parked in one of the most distant spaces, a frown on her face. It was strange to remember that she was probably still angry with me, and with good reason. I wanted to laugh at myself – or kick myself. All my plotting and planning was entirely moot if she didn’t care for me, too, wasn’t it? Her dream could have been about something completely random. I was such an arrogant fool. Well, it was so much the better for her if she didn’t care for me. That wouldn’t stop me from pursuing her, but I would give her fair warning as I pursued. I owed her that. I walked silently forward, wondering how best to approach her. She made it easy. Her truck key slipped through her fingers as she got out, and fell into a deep puddle. She reached down, but I got to it first, retrieving it before she had to put her fingers in the cold water. I leaned back against her truck as she started and then straightened up. â€Å"How do you do that?† she demanded. Yes, she was still angry. I offered her the key. â€Å"Do what?† She held her hand out, and I dropped the key in her palm. I took a deep breath, pulling in her scent. â€Å"Appear out of thin air,† she clarified. â€Å"Bella, it’s not my fault if you are exceptionally unobservant.† The words were wry, almost a joke. Was there anything she didn’t see? Did she hear how my voice wrapped around her name like a caress? She glared at me, not appreciating my humor. Her heartbeat sped – from anger? From fear? After a moment, she looked down. â€Å"Why the traffic jam last night?† she asked without meeting my eyes. â€Å"I thought you were supposed to be pretending I don’t exist, not irritating me to death.† Still very angry. It was going to take some effort to make things right with her. I remembered my resolve to be truthful with her†¦ â€Å"That was for Tyler’s sake, not mine. I had to give him his chance.† And then I laughed. I couldn’t help it, thinking of her expression yesterday. â€Å"You – † she gasped, and then broke off, appearing to be too furious to finish. There it was – that same expression. I choked back another laugh. She was mad enough already. â€Å"And I’m not pretending you don’t exist,† I finished. It was right to keep this casual, teasing. She would not understand if I let her see how I really felt. I would frighten her. I had to keep my feelings in check, keep things light†¦ â€Å"So you are trying to irritate me to death? Since Tyler’s van didn’t do the job?† A quick flash of anger pulsed through me. Could she honestly believe that? It was irrational for me to be so affronted – she didn’t know of the transformation that had happened in the night. But I was angry all the same. â€Å"Bella, you are utterly absurd,† I snapped. Her face flushed, and she turned her back on me. She began to walk away. Remorse. I had no right to my anger. â€Å"Wait,† I pleaded. She did not stop, so I followed after her. â€Å"I’m sorry, that was rude. I’m not saying it isn’t true† – it was absurd to imagine that I wanted her harmed in any way – â€Å"but it was rude to say it, anyway.† â€Å"Why won’t you leave me alone?† Believe me, I wanted to say. I’ve tried. Oh, and also, I’m wretchedly in love with you. Keep it light. â€Å"I wanted to ask you something, but you sidetracked me.† A course of action had just occurred to me, and I laughed. â€Å"Do you have a multiple personality disorder?† she asked. It must seem that way. My mood was erratic, so many new emotions coursing through me. â€Å"You’re doing it again,† I pointed out. She sighed. â€Å"Fine then. What do you want to ask?† â€Å"I was wondering if, a week from Saturday†¦Ã¢â‚¬  I watched the shock cross her face, and choked back another laugh. â€Å"You know, the day of the spring dance – â€Å" She cut me off, finally returning her eyes to mine. â€Å"Are you trying to be funny?† Yes. â€Å"Will you let me finish?† She waited in silence, her teeth pressing into her soft lower lip. That sight distracted me for a second. Strange, unfamiliar reactions stirred deep in my forgotten human core. I tried to shake them off so I could play my role. â€Å"I heard you say that you were going to Seattle that day, and I was wondering if you wanted a ride?† I offered. I’d realized that, better than just questioning her about her plans, I might share them. She stared at me blankly. â€Å"What?† â€Å"Do you want a ride to Seattle?† Alone in a car with her – my throat burned at the thought. I took a deep breath. Get used to it. â€Å"With who?† she asked, her eyes wide and bewildered again. â€Å"Myself, obviously,† I said slowly. â€Å"Why?† Was it really such as shock that I would want her company? She must have applied the worst possible meaning to my past behavior. â€Å"Well,† I said as casually as possible, â€Å"I was planning to go to Seattle in the next few weeks, and, to be honest, I’m not sure if your truck can make it.† It seemed safer to tease her than to allow myself to be serious. â€Å"My truck works just fine, thank you very much for your concern,† she said in the same surprised voice. She started walking again. I kept pace with her. She hadn’t really said no, so I pressed that advantage. Would she say no? What would I do if she did? â€Å"But can your truck make it there on one tank of gas?† â€Å"I don’t see how that is any of your business,† she grumbled. That still wasn’t a no. And her heart was beating faster again, her breath coming more quickly. â€Å"The wasting of finite resources is everyone’s business.† â€Å"Honestly, Edward, I can’t keep up with you. I thought you didn’t want to be my friend.† A thrill shot through me when she spoke my name. How to keep it light and yet be honest at the same time? Well, it was more important to be honest. Especially on this point. â€Å"I said it would be better if we weren’t friends, not that I didn’t want to be.† â€Å"Oh, thanks, now that’s all cleared up,† she said sarcastically. She paused, under the edge of the cafeteria’s roof, and met my gaze again. Her heartbeats stuttered. Was she afraid? I chose my words carefully. No, I could not leave her, but maybe she would be smart enough to leave me, before it was too late. â€Å"It would be more†¦prudent for you not to be my friend.† Staring into the melted chocolate depths of her eyes, I lost my hold on light. â€Å"But I’m tired of trying to stay away from you, Bella.† The words burned with much too much fervor. Her breathing stopped and, in the second it took for it to restart, that worried me. How much had I scared her? Well, I would find out. â€Å"Will you go to Seattle with me?† I demanded, point blank. She nodded, her heart drumming loudly. Yes. She’d said yes to me. And then my conscious smote me. What would this cost her? â€Å"You really should stay away from me,† I warned her. Did she hear me? Would she escape the future I was threatening her with? Couldn’t I do anything to save her from me? Keep it light, I shouted at myself. â€Å"I’ll see you in class.† I had to concentrate to stop myself from running as I fled. 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